Memento Mori

I love how that once I got a job, I got fired 4 days after working. I didn’t even do anything wrong. It upsets me because I thought I was moving on up and now I’m back in this fucking financial dump hole that I was in just two weeks ago.

pillowtlk:

Or when I get so frustrated and then I try to sleep my worries away and I can’t fall asleep.

sucks man….

I’m starting to notice that I’m losing a lot of friends. No efforts being made on either side of the fence and no love lost when the friendship deteriorates. But I guess they weren’t real friends if they don’t care and I wasn’t a real friend to them if it doesn’t bother me at all. Right now, I’m taking mental notes of everything that’s happening with me and my remaining friends. So far I have established that a year and a half from now, I’ll probably be all alone and perfectly okay with that. Right now, at the youthful age of 17, I find myself drifting away from my friends and living, maintaining and just being in my loneliness. For the most part, it doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me much that I have no one else to enjoy life with. If I want to enjoy life with someone, I’ll enjoy it with my damn self.

Just a year ago I was so dependent on my “best friends”. Truth is, they’re really nothing. They were just temporary place holders until the next “best friend” came along. I’m so sick of that. I think that’s why I’m alone now. I would rather just be by myself than have people come and go whenever they please. I think that’s why I’m always alone now and getting so accustomed to it.

I think I’m so much happier alone. Or maybe I’m just suffering by myself and I need someone to help me realize that.

Rolling over:

• No soda
• Increase work out
• Find a better job
• Do more situational/creative writing blogging

New ones:

• order prom dress

The other goals I have for the fourth month of 2012 aren’t really something I can bullet. Like I want to stabilize my life a little more. I can’t bullet that because it’s not something you can just check off when you accomplish that. Also it’s not something that you just accomplish. It more of an internal goal for myself. I have a lot of those…. too many.

It’s so nice to see my grandfather (who isn’t even my real grandfather I must add) and uncle support me financially and emotionally at this time in my life. I feel like I’m at a time in my life where I don’t need anyone criticisms (coughmymomscough) and I just need people to help me through whatever. Let me make my own mistakes and learn my own lessons. These two men have definitely done that so far and I’m so grateful for that. At least I have two people in my corner even though it’s not my own mother or father.

Last night was such a fail and a disappointment. Honestly, I felt so let down by my friend’s stupidity but she’s trying to make it up to me so I’m not going to hold it against her. It’s nice to have friends that won’t let you feel disappointed by their actions. Friends who actually care about you and your feelings.

Not even a week in after giving you a chance that you say you really wanted, you fucked up. Already. Don’t whisper sweet nothings to me and then suck up on some girl while I’m not around. Then lie about it. Then try to hide it from me like I’m not going to find out. I used to think that I should give you a chance to prove to me that you’re not a bad person regardless of things that happened in the past but NO you’re still the same shitty person that you were before. I swear, once I’m done doing business with you, I’ll be done with you for good.